that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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