It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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