used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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