as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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