Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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