I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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