Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
