I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
