I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
