bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
