I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
