You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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