I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
