God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize