Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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