Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
