He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
