I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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