id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
