you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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