I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
