He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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