just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
