I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
