The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
