Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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