You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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