I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
