you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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