Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
