finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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