Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
