I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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