Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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