he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
