There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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