My liver just broke up with me...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
