You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
