If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
