WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
