ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
