He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
