I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
