my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
