connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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