i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize