Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
