Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
