you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
