You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
