Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
