Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i came on her dog
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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