my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
