I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
