at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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