so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
