I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
