ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
