Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
