I showed him my bush... on skype.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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