I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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