He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
