i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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